Have you ever had a time when God put something on your heart but you put it on a shelf thinking, “No…that can’t be what he wants me to do.” There’s been this theme repeating for me and that’s exactly what I did. For over a month, I haven’t blogged because…well, I guess I don’t really know why. Stubbornness? Busyness? End of the school year craziness?
Probably all of the above.
But anyway, first there was Easter. Jesus’ death and resurrection, bringing us new life, that coupled with springtime and the natural rhythm of renewal just made me think about how so often in our lives something has to die so that what’s next can be born or renewed. But when God put this theme on my heart in April it just seemed too obvious, almost cliche to write about then. And now that I say it, it sounds pretty arrogant of me to think God’s timing isn’t right. There I go again being painfully human and trying to grasp control. Idiot.
Next, my son finished reading the Harry Potter series and the phoenix who bursts into flames and comes back to life nudged me closer to exploring this topic of death and rebirth in our lives. Maybe it’s more about letting go of something so what’s next has room to enter.
Then there were a series of other changes in our lives and in the lives of those around us where letting go was vital in the process so the new or next could be ushered in.
Why do we so often want to hold on to what is dying? We can feel the death, the fading away of what was once vibrant and healthy. But we cling, afraid that we can’t handle what comes next or not trusting that there is a next.
God created a natural world that show us the cycle of life very clearly each day. Flowers burst open in splendor and glory then wilt and die in order to scatter seed for the next sprouting of life.
Storms, sometimes violent and damaging, pop up almost every afternoon in Florida but they blow through and beautiful rainbows replace the stark gray once the sun peeks through.
It’s as if God is telling us, “I was there all along. I didn’t leave you. But I can’t give you THIS without the rain. You can’t truly FEEL the joy if there is no pain. The beauty is in the contrast. There would be no new flowers and fragrant smells if the original blossom didn’t return to the earth.”
What if we learned to let go sooner? What if rather than gripping so tightly, we opened our hands to receive what was next? What makes us afraid to do that?
I have no answers today.
But God is showing me that it’s necessary. He has plans for us. He tells us that over and over in scripture.
So maybe tonight as I get ready for sleep, I’ll lay with my palms up, open, letting go and ready to receive. And I’ll picture in my mind the double rainbow he gave me on the long ride home from Tampa tonight. He was there…all day long.